9/11 Today we pray.
So please give a moment of silence in honor of the victims.
May they be in peace, and their families be in peace.
Just a short thing for 9/11.
SurviveExclusion was a big thing at my school as a kid.
I’d never really learned a good behavior.
I’d be rude and stay away from people as often as I possibly could.
Most times I kept quiet.
Silenced by the touches and scars of my assaults and violations.
Fear had been tightly sealed around my lips displaying the words
in large red letters.
I watched my innocence and bravery flitter away before school had even begun.
A place where I had shut myself away from the world.
Isolated myself to one friend whom I held dear.
Confusion had warped my mind as attractions came into play.
Afraid to speak up about a crush on my second grade teacher
Because she was a girl.
In fourth grade I’d tried to be a boy.
Thinking it would allow me to like both boys and girls in peace,
Only to discover it made their hatred of me stronger.
The “Amelia touch” was started and most kids wouldn’t go near me.
Nightmares constantly made me relive the horrors I’d see
I Hate YouI hate you.
I hate you, I hate you, I hate you.
I stand by you
And give you words of wisdom.
I act like theirs nothing wrong
Like I'm so happy to see you.
But I'm not.
I'd been hoping you'd fallen down a ditch
Or that you'd lost your way in a dark forest
Just so that for one day
I wouldn't have to see you.
To hear you say such awful things.
To watch you kick the ones you love.
To support you with dreams you want to come true.
When the truth is...
I hate you.
I hate you, I hate you, I hate you.
What Can I Say?What can I say?
I'm proud of you two.
Lieing and cheating together.
All I've ever done
Is be here for you
And now you can't tell me the truth.
You can't look me in the eyes
And say how you feel
Because both of you know it's wrong.
Quit saying you love him.
You just don't.
And if you do,
Quit pretending you love another.
Another who has stuck by you,
Cared for you,
Then there's you.
I honestly thought it was fake.
Just a mirage in your eyes.
One built upon false hopes and lieing dreams.
But what you feel is real...
You do love her.
And she says she loves you,
And yet she's with another,
Who has no clue what's going on,
Is the blind eyes of love the oe we should blame?
Or is it just your stupidity.
I really don't know.
What can I say?
I can't tell you of my anger.
I've done all I can to make you both happy.
I've even fallen for you both.
But I accepted the truth and moved on.
Love is supposed to be pure,
But yours is a monster.
Xmen Evolution Episode 7: Welcome Home~Several days later~
“Attention everyone.” Came Professor Xavier’s voice over the intercom of the institute. Ariana looked up from the book she’d been reading in her room. “Amelia will be returning this afternoon and she’ll be going back to school tomorrow. Ariana looked to her friend’s empty bed and gave a sad frown. Amelia had been in the hospital for about three days now. It felt like forever, even though it wasn’t very long. “I’d like you all to respect her privacy and not ask her about why she was sick. Just treat her as if nothing has happened. Thank you.” Ariana felt her stomach begin to knot up as she remembered what she’d seen in Amelia’s memory. Mitch. Mitch had caused all of this. Ariana fumed as she spoke aloud to herself. “That fucking coward.” She was referring to the fact that the day after Amelia had been found, Mitch disappeared. The professor had asked Ariana to let him see the m
I'm Leaving for AwhileI'm leaving for awhile.
Not my body,
But my mind.
I can't handle all these secrets
All these lies
All these words.
So my soul shall soon by fleating
Away from here to some far meeting
So it can rest from all the pressure
And mend the heart thats broken.
I've tried to sew it up
But the peices just don't fit.
I've lost some along the way.
And yet I think I'll be okay.
For their happiness is all I seek.
It makes me smile to see their joy.
So I must leave,
I've got to go.
But I'll be here
As best I can be.
The only diffrence is
It won't really be me.
X-Men Evolution Episode Six: Something Horrible“How is she?” Noah asked when he saw Ariana. She was sitting in across from a room that read 377. They were both in a hallway. In a hospital. “I don’t know. They got her breathing before they took her onto the ambulance but she was still unconscious when we arrived. “Damn it!” Noah shouted, kicking the wall. “Noah, calm down. Getting angry won’t help.” Ariana told him in an attempt to calm him. “Well how the fuck am I supposed to feel!? I don’t see how you can be so fucking calm when your best friend is in the hospital, unconscious!” He replied, glaring at her angrily. Ariana looked into her lap sadly without responding. Noah snapped out of his anger when he saw little water droplet fall from her hair covered face. “A-Ariana... I’m sorry. I just... she means a lot to me. She’s like a little sister to me and I just lose it when people I care about are hurt.” Ariana sat back up and wiper the t
X-Men Evolution Episode 5: The KissSIDE NOTE: They've been here about five months now. This takes place maybe about two weeks after where the last episode left off.
"Ok everybody! This has been a fantastic first day of rehearsal! But now the time has come to work on... this kiss." Amelia mentally groaned while the entire cast (Even stage-crew) sat down in the audience seats. "Well this is gonna suck." She thought to herself. The director of the musical, Mrs.Davis, directed them to their spot. "Now, when I say go, start riiiiiiiiight here!" She said pointing at a specific line. "I just don't know if this is right anymore Troy. I don't like hiding from my friends." Amelia said getting into her character Rose. "They don't matter right now. All that matters right here and right now is you," Noah said as Troy before placed his hand on her cheek. "And me." This was it. This was the big moment. Amelia leaned up on her tip toes and tried to steady her heartbeat and- "TROLL! IN THE DUNGEON!" came Xavier's voice from the doors le
X-Men Evolution Episode 4: Love InterestsSIDE NOTE: They've been here about five months now.
"OH HEX TO THE NO." Amelia shouted as she crossed her arms and stomped her foot defiantly. "Oh come oooon Amelia! It's not that bad!" Ariana told her in an attempt to persuade her stubborn friend. "THERE IS NO WAY I'M DOING THAT!!" Ariana rolled her eyes as Amelia went into a long shpeil about why she refused to participate in the institutes latest fundraiser. This time it was a carnival. Now don't get Amelia wrong, she loved carnivals. She thought they were tons of fun! But what she did not find fun, was running a kissing booth. "I CAN'T RUN A FRED WEASLYING KISSING BOOTH!" She shouted angrily. "Why the biscuits not!?" Amelia looked around to make sure nobody was listening. Once she'd confirmed that the two were alone, she leaned over to Ariana's right ear and whispered her secret. Ariana's eyes widened. "What!? You've only kissed one-mmph!!!" Her shout was cut off by Amelia's hand covering her loud mouth. "Keep your voice down or el
i'm sorry for only writing sad things,but saturday night i wanted to offend god
into listening to just one line- needed to drag someone
into hearing the roar between my ears with me.
i'd like to write something you can put music to-
lyrical and pretty. funny. maybe irreverent.
but today what is most real to me
is not laughter. it is feeling short of breath.
empty of poetic language. unfunny. too long
for a limerick. unsuited to sonnets. musical only
in the slamming of my heart. an erratic beat
at best. endings. comparing crises of the mind
to someone throwing up in the bathroom
after too much beer pong and hard rock-
both are shameful to repeat in therapy
and i feel like i cannot stop ruining parties.
needing steady hands for these atlas shoulders
that will not relax. staircases white like
imagined hospitals. thinking i should say
call me an ambulance. crying. not calling
an ambulance. not calling a taxi, i can't call
a taxi, i don't have money for a taxi, holding
my breath. 4, 7, 4. 4, 7, 4. in.
LessonsIn forty-seven minutes I will be twenty-one years old and my throat is tight with this notion
that every passing moment is a boat taking me further from the boy on the side of the road.
I am terrified of the swelling tide of time, the ripples I will create,
the creases that will be etched into my face
without the laughter lines I know he would have left and
one day someone will ask me how many siblings I have and I will hesitate
because he will be so distant and I can feel it coming.
I never intended to swim without him, but
I am drowning under the weight of pocket-stone-people,
the ones I love who he has never met and won't ever meet
and its forty-four minutes until I turn twenty-one when I realize the relentlessness of this;
how I will age away from him and I am disgusted with myself, with his ashes on the bookshelf,
with this world that keeps making mistakes that can't be fixed.
Twenty one years old and I am a semi-colon, a shuddering pause on the floor,
remembering the time I broke
Dear Homophobic ParentsDear homophobic parents,
How the fuck do you think it makes me feel
When you walk out of the room crying
Because you can’t stand the thought of something I can’t control.
I’ll tell you that it makes my insides burn.
The living room feels like a closet.
Suffocating, and yet I can breathe fine.
I am choking on the air,
Polluted by your homophobic slurs.
Making uneducated guesses about things you know nothing about.
Someone ought to teach you to look shit up
Before you go about, shouting your false claims to the world.
My very existence is an error.
Some messed up chemical defect that went wrong,
I don’t belong
I am the Titanic,
To you I am supposed to be perfect
I am supposed to be straight, and happy, and fine.
But I am so very far from fine,
When my lungs are filling up with water,
Your words are an ice berg,
And I am sinking fast.
beautiful.i hate my stretchmarks
the vertical the horizontal the ones running miles down my arms
stripes on a circus tent
my body is a freak show
75 cents a ticket
they are the bars on a cage
trapping me inside this prison cell of flesh
(not letting me run away
from all i once was)
reminding me that i am
still that little girl who
was told that she had too
much weight in her stomach
and in her thighs
to be called beautiful
my stretchmarks are the debris from when i tried to collapse upon myself
tried taking up less space
because beautiful is small beautiful is skinny
diets upon diets
because i've been told that
i am only worth the sharpness of my collarbone
girls that photosynthesizeI.
i asked my mother to buy me sweetener,
and she said "no," and she said "no,
sugar is better for you it's more natural"
so i shrug and i clamp my teeth over
my tongue and sew my mouth closed
and i steal sweet n' low
from the pizza place
my friends watch me pick at my lettuce,
a rabbit-food-lunch that makes me sick
to my stomach, and when i run to the
bathroom during science class they
follow me and ask what i ate for breakfast.
i say "waffles" because they can't know
i won't let them stop me
my therapist asks me if i think i'm sick
and i'm not, i'm strong, but i can't be
not here not here, and the $$$$$$$$
are ticking away as i consider my answer
so i say "yes" and she asks me what
i will become and i say "better"
because that's all they want to hear
my dietitian sets up a rough meal plan
and she says i won't gain weight on it
somehow i trust this woman with art
on the walls of her office and i pick
through the day in corn-kernel bites,
There is a weight
You asked me to hold.
(Just for a while,
Just for a while.)
My tendons strain and snap,
I lack your Atlas strength.
The crushing force of gravity
Makes me weak, makes me sore.
Take it back, take it back,
But you’ve gone away.
I’m sinking down, I’m sinking down.
The water rises to my throat.
Pushing down, rising up
Drowning and drowning and drowning.
Take it back, please take it back,
Where have you gone?
I’m pinned beneath this weight,
With water to my nose.
My lungs fill up with salt,
Choking and screaming and breathing
Only freezing thickness of water.
Where is that mild friend oxygen?
Where has he gone?
My stinging eyes are blind here.
I cannot to escape, unwilling
To shed this leaden snare
Wherein I dwell confined.
I grip it tightly.
Surely I will die,
Sweet air has left my blood
I lay back and let black water take me,
Frozen fingers loosen on Your weight.
And all at once
it falls away
I watch i
The Girl Who Was Afraid To BeShe speaks to me fondly
of passions and talents,
of guitars and stars,
with such breathless intensity
then stops short and
for speaking at all.
All because somewhere in her life,
someone she loved broke her heart
her beautiful words
and telling her to
keep it down,
People aren’t born sad.
We make them that way.
Feel like shit? Read this. Hey you.
Yeah you, reading this right now at this very moment.
You are awesome. No, really, you are.
You may not believe me, but it's true. You don't see it because you're upset right now.
Whatever you're going through right now, whatever has upset you or turned your life upside down, just know that it won't last forever. Nothing good lasts forever, that's true, but nothing bad lasts forever too.
Eventually whatever you're going through will pass, you'll move on through healing over time, and you'll be able to be happy again someday, don't worry. As long as you don't give up. You may never completely get over it, or it may take years or more to move on from, but I can promise as time goes on the pain will become less and less.
It may feel like no one gives a fuck about you, and you may want to give up on living, but please don't. I can promise atleast one person out there gives a fuck. And if no one does, then I do.
If you have no friends, I ca
GayI am gay.
I'm not a disease, I'm not a problem
I'm not an affliction
I don't need treatment.
I don't need help
I'm not sick
I'm not confused
I'm not a sin.
I am gay.
I'm your daughter
Your co worker
A complete stranger
I am gay.
I need love, just like you
I need smiles
I need support
I need a hug
I need a friend
I need a family
I need acceptance
I need understanding
I need you
I am gay.
I know what love is
I know what pain is
I know what hate is
I know what life is
I am gay.
And I need you to love me
The same way you loved me before you knew
I am gay.
And I have experienced hate
From more people than just you
I am gay.
And I wont change.
I wont give up.
I wont back down.
I wont pretend.
I wont lie.
I wont deny.
I wont hide.
I wont hurt.
I am gay.
And that's okay.